Thursday, July 9, 2009

Disturbed, Perturbed and generally irked

I thought I’d run by you lovelies something that has been bothering me. I am open minded and understand that I have a “Monkey Mind” that takes off on its own direction. Therefore, when something is bothering me, I need to be defused quickly before my mind is in the outer stratosphere. I thought I could bounce an issue off of you, and you let me know if I’m off base, and perhaps how to gracefully address this issue.

This past Saturday (yes, the one that included my tangle with some bikes, which I’m still finding new bruises from) my hubby and I had an altercation with some relatives. Nothing huge, just a parenting issue that we brought to their attention. They address the child who in turn, tearfully apologized and we forgave and moved on, or so we thought. Then the mother comes to us and blames us that we were unclear on the boundaries of what is correct behavior –vs- incorrect behavior with this child. Meaning that we were inconsistent with this child. I then stated that this issue is not ours, but the parents place to set these boundaries. Her response was “how dare we instruct her on how to raise her son”…blah, blah, blah...I then decided to bite my tongue, realizing that this was going to go nowhere quickly, and was going to turn ugly. We stated that this is water under the bridge, we were resolved and we left.

Apparently they are still holding a grudge. My husband ran into them the following day and was met with snide, personal comments and the like. And truthfully I’m perplexed. I don’t know what to make of it, nor do I know how to take the next step.

I am always looking for input on how to better myself, my relationships, my parenting. You can tell me ANYTHING…I will thank you for it, mull it over a bit, and glean from it what I deem is true to me. How do I deal with someone who feels that they must be right and responds with spite and ugliness? These are our closest relatives and spend several days a month with them. Honestly, I feel like I’m back in High school! I don’t do well with drama!


Melita said...

wow, i'm sorry you are having to deal with such drama as this. i hope everything ends well, and with time i am sure it will. hugs my darling!

Lynne from NY said...

Ok, my disclaimer is I don't know the details, so I can be totally off base!

Situations like this are tricky. Is there a neutral family member that can talk to them to let them know your intent was good and try to make peace? If not, as hard as it may seem, just let it go. Things will never be quite the same but hanging on to it will make things worse.

I'm very much like you but I've learned the hard way that some people cannot be told anything, even when they are wrong. They will hold it against you, turn people against you, and make things miserable.

There is a lesson here, let us know how you make out. Good luck, sweetie!

Globetrotting Cacti said...

My good friend dealt with a similar situation recently (and it is still not resolved - sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear). I would probably arrange to meet her on a 1:1 basis (no hubbie or children), somewhere neutral (cafe not your house) amd explain to her where you were coming from, thst you meant no harm, you are sorry that it caused her hurt, you value your friendship and that you would like to move forward from this point. The next decision on how to react is then down to her..... let us know how you get on.

LoveFeast Table said...

I will say, it def. sounds like it's their issue, not yours. If anything you were very mindful of the boundaries...and she stretched her parenting boundaries into your space. Being a mom of 5, I know, without a doubt, it's my responsibility not yours! :) You may just need to let them work this out on their own. Sounds like there may be other facts at play, you may not be aware of...

Naturally Jules said...

Thank you ladies for all of your wisdom! It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one out there that has gone thru this. And that, of course, life does go on!